The Neediest Cases: Emerging From a Bleak Life to Become Fabulous Phil





For years, Phillip Johnson was caught in what seemed like an endless trench of bad luck. He was fired from a job, experienced intensifying psychological problems, lost his apartment and spent time in homeless shelters. At one point, he was hospitalized after overdosing on an antipsychotic drug.




“I had a rough road,” he said.


Since his hospital stay two years ago, and despite setbacks, Mr. Johnson, 27, has been getting his life on track. At Brooklyn Community Services, where he goes for daily counseling and therapy, everybody knows him as Fabulous Phil.


“Phillip is a light, the way he evokes happiness in other people,” his former caseworker, Teresa O’Brien, said. “Phillip’s character led directly to his nickname.”


About six months ago, with Ms. O’Brien’s help, Mr. Johnson started an event: Fabulous Phil Friday Dance Party Fridays.


One recent afternoon at the agency, 30 clients and a few counselors were eating cake, drinking soft drinks and juice, and grooving for 45 minutes to Jay-Z and Drake pulsating from a boom box.


Mr. Johnson’s voice rose with excitement when he talked about the party. Clients and counselors, he said, “enjoy themselves.”


“They connect more; they communicate more,” he continued. “Everybody is celebrating and laughing.”


The leadership Mr. Johnson now displays seems to be a far cry from the excruciatingly introverted person he was.


As an only child living with his single mother in public housing in Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn, he said, he tended to isolate himself. “A lot of kids my age would say, ‘Come outside,’ but I would always stay in my room,” he said. He occupied himself by writing comic books or reading them, his favorites being Batman and Spiderman because, he said, “they were heroes who saved the day.”


After graduating from high school in 2003, he worked odd jobs until 2006, when he took a full-time position at a food court at La Guardia Airport, where he helped to clean up. The steady paycheck allowed him to leave his mother’s apartment and rent a room in Queens.


But the depression and bleak moods that had shadowed him throughout middle and high school asserted themselves.


“My thinking got confused,” he said. “Racing thoughts through my mind. Disorganized thoughts. I had a hard time focusing on one thing.”


In 2008, after two years on the job, Mr. Johnson was fired for loud and inappropriate behavior, and for being “unpredictable,” he said. The boss said he needed counseling. He moved back in with his mother, and in 2009 entered a program at an outpatient addiction treatment service, Bridge Back to Life. It was there, he said, that he received a diagnosis of schizophrenia and help with his depression and marijuana use.


But one evening in May 2010, he had a bout with insomnia.


He realized the antipsychotic medication he had been prescribed, Risperdal, made him feel tired, he said, so he took 12 of the pills, rather than his usual dosage of two pills twice a day. When 12 did not work, he took 6 more.


“The next morning when I woke up, it was hard for me to breathe,” he said.


He called an ambulance, which took to Woodhull Hospital. He was released after about a month.


Not long after, he returned to his mother’s apartment, but by February 2011, they both decided he should leave, and he relocated to a homeless shelter in East New York, where, he said, eight other people were crammed into his cubicle and there were “bedbugs, people lying in your bed, breaking into your locker to steal your stuff.”


In late spring 2011, he found a room for rent in Manhattan, but by Thanksgiving he was hospitalized again. Another stint in a shelter followed in April, when his building was sold.


Finally, in July, Mr. Johnson moved to supported housing on Staten Island, where he lives with a roommate. His monthly $900 Social Security disability check is sent to the residence, which deducts $600 for rent and gives him $175 in spending money; he has breakfast and lunch at the Brooklyn agency. To assist Mr. Johnson with unexpected expenses, a grant of $550 through The New York Times Neediest Cases Fund went to buy him a bed and pay a Medicare prescription plan fee for three months.


“I was so happy I have a bed to sleep on,” he said about the replacement for an air mattress. “When I have a long day, I have a bed to lay in, and I feel good about that.”


Mr. Johnson’s goals include getting his driver’s license — “I already have a learner’s permit,” he said, proudly — finishing his program at the agency, and then entering an apprenticeship program to become a plumber, carpenter or mechanic.


But seeing how his peers have benefited from Fabulous Phil Fridays has made him vow to remain involved with people dealing with mental illnesses or substance abuse.


He was asked at the party: Might he be like the comic-book heroes he loves? A smile spread across his face. He seemed to think so.


Read More..

Black Friday: A survival guide



Shopping












The plan | The numbers | The gear | The strategy | The apps | The start






Black Friday, the most buzzed-about shopping day of the year, is starting even earlier this holiday season as retailers try to get a jump on the competition.

The official kickoff to the Christmas shopping rush, the day after Thanksgiving brings out millions of bargain hunters looking to score new tablets, flat-panel TVs, clothes and toys. Last year retailers raked in an estimated $11.4 billion on Black Friday, up 6.6% from 2010.

This year, major retailers including Wal-Mart and Toys R Us are opening their doors as early as 8 p.m. on Thanksgiving Day. That’s too bad for store employees, but good news if you’re a shopaholic who doesn’t mind hitting the shops before the turkey has cooled.

For those of you who are planning to brave the crowds, whether you’re a first-timer or a seasoned veteran, here’s a guide to surviving the Black Friday rush.


-- Andrea Chang



























Photo credit: Francine Orr / Los Angeles Times










Photo credit: Mark Boster / Los Angeles Times










Photo credit: Mark Boster / Los Angeles Times










Photo credit: Brian van der Brug / Los Angeles Times










Photo credit: Seong Joon Cho / Bloomberg










Photo credit: Associated Press






Read More..

Former O.C. Sheriff Michael Carona seeks to cut prison sentence









Attorneys for former Orange County Sheriff Michael Carona — who is now serving 66 months in federal prison for witness tampering — are asking that the former lawman's sentence be cut by nearly half, potentially freeing him.


In a motion, Carona's attorneys argued that the sentence handed down in 2009 by U.S. District Judge Andrew Guilford should be adjusted after changes in the law.


His attorneys contend that the judge sentenced Carona on the witness tampering charge by "cross-referencing" charges on which he was acquitted, a practice his attorneys argue that the U.S. Supreme Court overruled in a case involving former Enron President Jeffrey Skilling.





"Carona seeks relief on the ground that the court erred in determining his sentence by using honest services fraud as the 'underlying offense' under United States sentencing guidelines," his lawyers wrote in the motion filed earlier this month. They added that "the conduct at issue did not constitute honest services fraud or any other federal offense."


His lawyers, according to the motion, are seeking to reduce his time to a term of 24 months to 30 months.


Brett Sagel, the federal prosecutor on the case, said in an emailed statement Thursday that the government contends "Carona's filing lacks merit both factually and legally."


Carona was acquitted in 2009 on charges of conspiracy, mail fraud and one count of witness tampering. But the jury found him guilty on another count of witness tampering after he was recorded as he tried to persuade his former assistant sheriff to lie to a grand jury investigating allegations of corruption.


Carona, 57, was widely considered to be a rising political star at the time of his indictment.


The former sheriff began serving his 51/2 -year prison sentence in January 2011 at Englewood Federal Correctional Institution in Littleton, Colo., where he joined other prominent criminals — including Skilling, who is serving a 24-year sentence; and disgraced former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich.


When Carona's sentence began, officials at the prison — dubbed by Forbes magazine as one of the "12 best places to go to prison" — said the former sheriff would put in 71/2-hour days doing landscaping, plumbing, painting or food service.


But he could have access to the low-security prison's amenities, including college courses and the use of indoor and outdoor recreational facilities with a running track, bicycle court and exercise bicycles.


Carona's lawyers said that he had exhausted his appeals when the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals upheld his conviction shortly before he reported to the prison.


rick.rojas@latimes.com





Read More..

Lady Gaga tweets some racy images before concert

BUENOS AIRES, Argentina (AP) — Lady Gaga's tweets were getting a lot of attention ahead of her Buenos Aires concert Friday night.

The Grammy-winning entertainer has more than 30 million followers on Twitter and that's where she shared a link this week to a short video showing her doing a striptease and fooling around in a bathtub with two other women.

She told her followers that it's a "surprise for you, almost ready for you to TASTE."

Then, in between concerts in Brazil and Argentina, she posted a picture Thursday on her Twitter page showing her wallowing in her underwear and impossibly high heels on top of the remains of what appears to be a strawberry shortcake.

"The real CAKE isn't HAVING what you want, it's DOING what you want," she tweeted.

Lady Gaga wore decidedly unglamorous baggy jeans and a blouse outside her Buenos Aires hotel Thursday as three burly bodyguards kept her fans at bay. Another pre-concert media event where she was supposed to be given "guest of honor" status by the city government Friday afternoon was cancelled.

After Argentina, she is scheduled to perform in Santiago, Chile; Lima, Peru; and Asuncion, Paraguay, before taking her "Born This Way Ball" tour to Africa, Europe and North America.

Read More..

N.F.L. Paid Millions Over Brain Injuries, Article Says





Three retired N.F.L. players received at least $2 million in disability payments as a result of brain trauma injuries from their playing days, according to an article by ESPN and the PBS series “Frontline.”




The payments were made in the 1990s and early 2000s by the Bell/Rozelle N.F.L. Player Retirement Plan, a committee comprising representatives of the owners, players and the N.F.L. commissioner.


The N.F.L. is being sued by several thousand retired players who accuse the league of concealing a link between head hits and brain injuries. The league denies the accusation and has said it did not mislead its players.


The article, however, cites a letter written in 2000 from the director of the retirement plan who stated that Mike Webster, who retired in 1990, had a disability that was “the result of head injuries he suffered as a football player with the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Kansas City Chiefs.”


Webster died in 2002. The article cites similar payments to Gerry Sullivan, a Browns lineman, and a third, unnamed player.


The article provides more details than were known about Webster’s case; his fight for disability benefits was known. The retired players say in their complaint that “the N.F.L.’s own physician independently examined Webster and concluded that Webster was mentally ‘completely and totally disabled as of the date of his retirement and was certainly disabled when he stopped playing football sometime in 1990.’ ”


However, Greg Aiello, an N.F.L. spokesman, said that the ESPN report “underscores that we have had a system in place with the union for many years to address player injury claims on a case-by-case basis.” The disability plan, he said, was “collectively bargained with the players.”


“All decisions concerning player injury claims are made by the disability plan’s board, not by the N.F.L. or by the Players Association,” Aiello said.


The board has seven members: three owner representatives, three player representatives and one nonvoting representative of the commissioner.


The disclosures in the article came a day after Commissioner Roger Goodell spoke at the Harvard School of Public Health, where he trumpeted the league’s efforts to increase the safety of its players and proclaimed that “medical decisions override everything else.”


Jeffrey Standen, a law professor at Willamette University in Oregon, said the details about Webster’s disability payments did not amount to a smoking gun. The plan’s determination that Webster sustained head injuries is not the same as the N.F.L. making that decision.


“The problem is the N.F.L. didn’t make the admission; it was the board,” Standen said. “They’re not the same body. As a legal matter, the fact that they paid Webster is not going to matter much in legal terms. But it’s evidence to throw in front of a jury.”


Read More..

FHA lacks reserves to cover losses









WASHINGTON — As the housing market recovers, one government agency is still paying the price for helping to stabilize it — and taxpayers could get the bill.


The Federal Housing Administration, whose mortgage insurance business skyrocketed during the Great Recession of 2007-09, said Friday that its reserves to cover losses dropped into negative territory for the fiscal year that ended Sept. 30.


Quiz: The week in business








The agency has $30.3 billion in cash reserves to cover $46.6 billion in projected losses in coming years — a shortfall of $16.3 billion that could force it to tap the U.S. Treasury for the first time in its 78-year history to shore up its finances.


"Clearly, they're in trouble financially," said Guy Cecala, publisher of Inside Mortgage Finance. "I don't think there's any argument that FHA was ill-equipped to handle that overnight change to their business volume, and they've been playing catch-up ever since."


The FHA insures loans with down payments of as low as 3.5%, often to low-income borrowers, and its role in the mortgage market began expanding dramatically in 2007 as banks pulled back on lending in the face of plunging home prices — unless the agency guaranteed the loans.


Those mortgages, many of them now underwater, are a major drag on the finances of an agency that has been funded entirely through insurance premiums.


"With its dual mission of providing access to homeownership for underserved populations and supporting the housing market during tough times, there is little doubt that FHA helped prevent a much deeper crisis," Housing and Urban Development Secretary Shaun Donovan told reporters.


"That progress, however, has not been without stress," he conceded.


The FHA's net worth must not drop below 2% of the outstanding balances of the loans it guarantees. But in its annual actuarial report to Congress, the agency said its reserve ratio ended the fiscal year at -1.44%, down from the seriously low level of 0.24% at the end of the previous fiscal year. The figure was 0.5% at the end of 2010.


A final determination on tapping into Treasury's funds would not come until September and could hinge on continued improvement in the housing market, officials said. The agency also plans to boost its reserves by making such changes as increasing the premiums it charges homeowners to back their loans.


Obama administration officials hope the changes will help the FHA avoid drawing money from the U.S. Treasury, which the agency has the authority to do without seeking congressional approval.


"We are taking all the actions that we feel are appropriate, including increase in premiums [and] including changes in policies, to ensure that we are generating appropriate revenue moving forward," said acting FHA Commissioner Carol Galante.


"It is literally impossible to say that we will or won't need a draw," she said. "We are doing all of this to increase the likelihood that we will not."


The FHA's expanded role in the housing market has drawn criticism from some lawmakers and analysts, especially in light of the bailouts of seized housing finance giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.


Taxpayers are on the hook for $137 billion in those rescues, though Fannie and Freddie have turned profitable and have started paying down what they owe.


But FHA's finances have been getting worse. One specific criticism is the agency's practice of lending to so-called rebound buyers, people who defaulted on a mortgage as recently as three years earlier.


Senate Banking Committee Chairman Tim Johnson (D-S.D.), said he was "deeply concerned" by Friday's FHA report and would call Donovan to testify about how to get the agency on a fiscally sustainable path.


Rep. Scott Garrett (R-N.J.) said the news of FHA's deteriorating finances was not surprising given warnings about its finances in recent years.


"This is yet another example in which the government has stepped in, mispriced risk, acted as a backstop and put the taxpayer in a position of bailing them out," he said. He blamed the Obama administration for not doing more to stabilize the agency's finances.


But Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Los Angeles) noted that the FHA has helped millions of people buy homes since it was created in the Great Depression. And although the agency's finances are in trouble, she said, Congress "should not act precipitously to limit loan availability, especially as the housing recovery remains fragile."


In 2009, the agency boosted premiums and took other steps to shore up its capital reserves. But the FHA's finances continued to be dragged down by the loans it backed from 2007 to 2009, Donovan said.


Mortgages backed by the agency in the last two years are performing much better, he said.


The FHA insures more than $1 trillion worth of mortgages. It has backed about 14% of new mortgages this year, up from less than 5% in 2007 but down from a high of nearly 30% in 2008.


The White House will use the report to help make its own projections of agency funding as part of President Obama's 2014 budget, to be released in February. At that point, the administration would determine whether taxpayer money is needed to prop up the FHA, with a final determination coming at the end of the fiscal year in September.


Continued improvement in the housing market would help the FHA's long-term outlook. And the changes coming soon also will help generate more revenue and reduce future losses, officials said.


The FHA plans to increase mortgage insurance premiums by about $13 a month for the average homeowner for new loans it guarantees, as well as end a policy for future loans that allowed homeowners to stop paying insurance premiums before the loan was paid off.


Among other changes are selling off at least 40,000 delinquent loans a year and streamlining short sales to reduce losses from foreclosures.


jim.puzzanghera@latimes.com





Read More..

Veteran L.A. County sheriff's deputy charged with murder









After spending much of his life putting people behind bars, a veteran L.A. County sheriff's deputy stood in handcuffs Thursday, charged with gunning down a former neighbor who apparently got into a fight with his son.


Francisco Gamez, 41, is accused of shooting Armando "Cookie" Casillas, a well-known figure in his blue-collar neighborhood in Sylmar.


Gamez was off duty, sitting in his car, when he allegedly fired two shots on the night of June 17, killing Casillas and narrowly missing a second man, prosecutors said.





Gamez, a 17-year veteran who worked as a detective in West Hollywood, was allegedly furious over a fight between his 20-year-old son and Casillas, 38, prosecutors said. The younger Gamez had called his father to the scene, authorities said.


Casillas was later found by relatives lying near his home, and died later at Providence Holy Cross Medical Center.


Gamez was removed from duty in July after witnesses and evidence tied the detective to the slaying, authorities said. He was arrested Wednesday and led handcuffed from his San Fernando home by his former co-workers.


On Thursday he was formally charged with murder, attempted murder and discharging a firearm from an occupied vehicle. Gamez could face 75 years to life in prison if convicted of all charges.


In court, where he stood handcuffed in a plexiglass cage, sheriff's deputies peeked into the room to gawk at their former colleague. Sheriff Lee Baca described the whole thing as "deeply disturbing."


Gamez is being held on $4-million bail.


On Beaver Street in Sylmar, where the shooting occurred, Casillas' photo sat in a frame in the midst of a makeshift memorial, along with a cross and a potted plant with U.S. and Mexican flags and candles.


"He was a sweetheart, and very generous," said Patsy Telles-Cabrera, who lived across the street from Casillas for years. "He would check in on my parents." She left a box of chocolates at the growing shrine.


"It never should have happened," said one neighbor. "This is a family neighborhood."


sam.quinones@latimes.com


richard.winton@latimes.com


Times staff writer Wesley Lowery contributed to this report.





Read More..

Xbox Live Celebrates 10 Years of Connecting Gamers
















Thursday marks the tenth anniversary of Xbox Live, Microsoft’s online gaming platform for the Xbox and the Xbox 360.


[More from Mashable: Steve Ballmer Hints at Microsoft Building More Hardware]













For the last decade, Xbox Live has offered both a marketplace and online play space for gamers. It started in 2002 on Microsoft‘s original Xbox console; Xbox spokeperson Larry Hryb, better known as Major Nelson, said it launched with games like Ghost Recon, MechAssault and NFL Fever.


Now Xbox Live serves as a complete entertainment package for the Xbox 360. Players can still compete online and connect with others, but can also access all kinds of other services through their Xbox 360 as the console moves to position itself as a living room centerpiece. Streaming services like Netflix, Hulu Plus, Pandora, HBO Go, ESPN and NBA Live, as well as on-demand movies from Zune. During this year’s election, Xbox Live offered full access to the debates and election coverage, thanks to a partnership with NBC.


[More from Mashable: New ‘Grand Theft Auto V’ Trailer Takes Game Violence to the Next Level [VIDEO]]


There are about 30 million Xbox Live subscribers, each with their own unique gamertag. Xbox Live was instrumental in the widespread adoption of achievements on games, which players unlocked for completing different in-game challenges. According to Hyrb’s Twitter account, gamers have unlocked 14.5 billion achievements in the past decade.


Xbox Live is the only online network on consoles that charges its users, at $ 60 a pop for a 12-month subscription.


To celebrate today’s anniversary, some long-time Xbox Live subscribers are receiving special edition Xbox 360s, according to Hyrb’s Twitter feed. Hyrb is also giving out one-year subscriptions to Xbox Live on his Twitter all day Thursday.


Do you have fond memories of playing Xbox Live in the past decade? Please share them with us in the comments.


1. Triforce Lamp


Know a Zelda fan in need of some power, wisdom and courage? This beautiful wood and acrylic lamp can be hung or shelved. The pixelated carvings on each side warm the room with dappled light. Price: $ 95.00


Click here to view this gallery.


Image courtesy Rodrigo Denúbila, Flickr.


This story originally published on Mashable here.


Gaming News Headlines – Yahoo! News



Read More..

Juan Luis Guerra, Jesse & Joy win at Latin Grammys

LAS VEGAS (AP) — With their hit "Corre!" Mexican brother-sister pop duo Jesse & Joy ran away from the pack with four awards, including best song and best recording, at the 13th Annual Latin Grammys in Las Vegas on Thursday night.

Hosted by actors Cristian De La Fuente and Lucero, the ceremony attracted super-stars new and old, from across the world and from every Latin musical genre to the Mandalay Bay Events Center.

Just like at a big, multi-generational family party, new faces shared the spotlight with older generations, and traditional genres blended with electronica and hip-hop on stage.

Colombian rocker Juanes paired up with Carlos Santana, DJ trio and best new artist winner 3ball MTY threw down beats, and Pitbull rapped with dancers in gold spangled bikinis and hot pants.

Michel Telo, the Brazilian sertanejo or country music singer, performed with Las Vegas veterans Blue Man Group. Bachata heartthrob Prince Royce sang with veteran Mexican singer-songwriter Joan Sebastian.

Traditional Mexico met Las Vegas in a colorful number featuring Oaxaca native Lila Downs, Afro-Colombian singer Toto la Momposina and dancers in regional costumes.

Dominican musician Juan Luis Guerra, who came into the ceremony as the leading nominee with six bids, won producer of the year for Juanes' album "MTV Unplugged," which is also up for album of the year.

Guerra performed "En el Cielo No Hay Hospital," which brought the audience to its feet to dance, and for a standing ovation. He can only win four awards, since he is competing against himself in two categories.

Puerto Rican reggaeton singer Don Omar and Uruguayan alt rockers Cuarteto de Nos won two Latin Grammys each.

Oaxacan roots singer Lila Downs won best folkloric album for "Pecados y Milagros." Colombian singer Fonseca won for best tropical fusion album, and Los Tucanes de Tijuana won best norteno album for "365 Dias," the narco-corrido band's 32nd album.

Milly Quezada brought home best contemporary tropical album for "Aqui estoy yo."

"Long live merengue! Long live the Dominican Republic!" she said as she accepted the award.

If Colombian rocker Juanes wins in three of the four categories he's nominated in, he will become the most decorated Latin Grammy winner, breaking the record held by Puerto Rican rappers Calle 13.

Jazz trumpeter Arturo Sandoval brought three Latin Grammys for "Dear Diz (Every Day I Think of You)," but said it was just exciting as his first.

"The emotion is the same because one puts the same effort into each recording and the fact that the work is received well and respected by the public is a great satisfaction," he said.

The Latin Grammy celebration kicked off Wednesday by presenting its Person of the Year award to Caetano Veloso, one of the founders of the Tropicalismo movement.

The Brazilian singer, composer and activist was honored with performances by Juanes, Guerra, Nelly Furtado and Natalie Cole.

The event was broadcast live on Univision.

Read More..

I Was Misinformed: The Time She Tried Viagra





I have noticed, in the bragging-rights department, that “he doesn’t need Viagra” has become the female equivalent of the male “and, I swear, she’s a real blonde.” Personally, I do not care a bit. To me, anything that keeps you happy and in the game is a good thing.




But then, I am proud to say, I was among the early, and from what I gather, rare female users.


It happened when the drug was introduced around 1998. I was 50, but after chemotherapy for breast cancer — and later, advanced ovarian cancer — I was, hormonally speaking, pretty much running on fumes. Whether this had diminished my sex drive I did not yet know. One may have Zorba-esque impulses when a cancer diagnosis first comes in; but a treatment that leaves you bald, moon-faced and exhausted knocks that out of your system pretty fast.


But by 1998, the cancer was gone, my hair was back and I was ready to get back in the game. I was talking to an endocrinologist when I brought up Viagra. This was not to deal with the age-related physical changes I knew it would not address, it was more along the feminist lines of equal pay for equal work: if men have this new sex drug, I want this new sex drug.


“I know it’s supposed to work by increasing blood flow,” I told the doctor, “But if that’s true for men, shouldn’t it be true for women, too?”


“You’re the third woman who asked me that this week,” he said.


He wrote me a prescription. I was not seeing anyone, so I understood that I would have to do both parts myself, but that was fine. I have a low drug threshold and figured it might be best the first time to fly solo. My memory of the directions are hazy: I think there was a warning that one might have a facial flush or headaches or drop dead of a heart attack; that you were to take a pill at least an hour before you planned to get lucky, and, as zero hour approached, you were supposed to help things along by thinking beautiful thoughts, kind of like Peter Pan teaching Wendy and the boys how to fly.


But you know how it is: It’s hard to think beautiful thoughts when you’re wondering, “Is it happening? Do I feel anything? Woof, woof? Hello, sailor? Naaah.”


After about an hour, however, I was aware of a dramatic change. I had developed a red flush on my face; I was a hot tomato, though not the kind I had planned. I had also developed a horrible headache. The sex pill had turned into a bad joke: Not now, honey, I have a headache.


I put a cold cloth on my head and went to sleep. But here’s where it got good: When I slept, I dreamed; one of those extraordinary, sensual, swimming in silk sort of things. I woke up dazed and glowing with just one thought: I gotta get this baby out on the highway and see what it can do.


A few months later I am fixed up with a guy, and after a time he is, under the Seinfeldian definition of human relations (Saturday night date assumed) my official boyfriend. He is middle aged, in good health. How to describe our romantic life with the delicacy a family publication requires? Perhaps a line from “Veronika, der Lenz ist da” (“Veronica, Spring Is Here”), a song popularized by the German group the Comedian Harmonists: “Veronika, der Spargel Wächst” (“Veronica, the asparagus are blooming”). On the other hand, sometimes not. And so, one day, I put it out there in the manner of sport:


“Want to drop some Viagra?” I say.


Here we go again, falling into what I am beginning to think is an inevitable pattern: lying there like a lox, or two loxes, waiting for the train to pull into the station. (Yes, I know it’s a mixed metaphor, but at least I didn’t bring in the asparagus.) So there we are, waiting. And then, suddenly, spring comes to Suffolk County. It’s such a presence. I’m wondering if I should ask it if it hit traffic on the L.I.E. We sit there staring.


My reaction is less impressive. I don’t get a headache this time. And romantically, things are more so, but not so much that I feel compelled to try the little blue pills again.


Onward roll the years. I have a new man in my life, who is 63. He does have health problems, for which his doctor prescribes an E.D. drug. I no longer have any interest in them. My curiosity has been satisfied. Plus I am deeply in love, an aphrodisiac yet to be encapsulated in pharmaceuticals.


We take a vacation in mountain Mexico. We pop into a drugstore to pick up sunscreen and spot the whole gang, Cialis, Viagra, Levitra, on a shelf at the checkout counter. No prescription needed in Mexico, the clerk says. We buy all three drugs and return to the hotel. I try some, he tries some. In retrospect, given the altitude and his health, we are lucky we did not kill him. I came across an old photo the other day. He is on the bed, the drugs in their boxes lined up a in a semi-circle around him. He looks a bit dazed and his nose is red.


Looking at the picture, I wonder if he had a cold.


Then I remember: the flush, the damn flush. If I had kids, I suppose I would have to lie about it.



Read More..